we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Welp...herpes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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