I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
