i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
