hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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