Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
