the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
