on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
