its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
