Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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