I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My cat gives me a boner
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
