I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
