i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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