wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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