Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
