Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
