well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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