she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
