my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
