YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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