I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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