Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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