In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
