If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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