Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
