Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
