today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the raccoons are back...
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