Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
