omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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