I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
