Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So here I am, sexting at work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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