How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are we still banned from the library?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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