...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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