I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
