Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she woke up with a sticky ear
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
