I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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