ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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