this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
