so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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