On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
