no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
