I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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