But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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