I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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