More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
third nipple confirmed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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