I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
