Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
