3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
