i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
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best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.