I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.