Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.

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  (504): Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words. http://tfl.nu/6lei
  Replies (35) Good night (1145) Bad night (2110)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Do you want the good news or bad news first?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  bad news

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.

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  (205): Do you want the good news or bad news first? (678): bad news (205): The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos. http://tfl.nu/6wx8
  Replies (17) Good night (4132) Bad night (1697)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!

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  (703): I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww! http://tfl.nu/rzts
  Replies (89) Good night (1004) Bad night (13970)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

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  (727): Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick http://tfl.nu/5e6v
  Replies (17) Good night (1199) Bad night (10169)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say

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  (847): better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say http://tfl.nu/y3uc
  Replies (16) Good night (3168) Bad night (1417)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

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  (727): the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick http://tfl.nu/3g66
  Replies (10) Good night (6166) Bad night (1538)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit

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  (901): He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit http://tfl.nu/0txt
  Replies (8) Good night (998) Bad night (2584)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?

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  (708): I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer? http://tfl.nu/8pri
  Replies (9) Good night (986) Bad night (2037)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.

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  (770): She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking. http://tfl.nu/77kz
  Replies (9) Good night (3163) Bad night (785)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...

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  (206): So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present... http://tfl.nu/f3rc
  Replies (8) Good night (668) Bad night (1536)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I'm puking in a turkey pan....

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  (360): You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal. (1-360): I'm puking in a turkey pan.... http://tfl.nu/y4jv
  Replies (6) Good night (1256) Bad night (537)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.

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  (913): I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath. http://tfl.nu/ml02
  Replies (4) Good night (704) Bad night (394)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.

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  (908): I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country. http://tfl.nu/dr7f
  Replies (3) Good night (946) Bad night (319)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through

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  (401): you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through http://tfl.nu/dquz
  Replies (0) Good night (573) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.

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  (504): She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her. http://tfl.nu/fje7
  Replies (2) Good night (1047) Bad night (167)

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