you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'