Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right

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(516): i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right http://tfl.nu/qyre

Replies (1) Good night (1975) Bad night (634)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk

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(803): im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk http://tfl.nu/jksc

Replies (39) Good night (4094) Bad night (907)
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(847): View more from Illinois

The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious

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(847): The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious http://tfl.nu/2wct

Replies (37) Good night (4955) Bad night (705)
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(541): View more from Oregon

My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.

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(541): My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick. http://tfl.nu/phsi

Replies (30) Good night (804) Bad night (6324)
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(515): View more from Iowa

at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.

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(515): at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there. http://tfl.nu/x808

Replies (4) Good night (2611) Bad night (863)
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(517): View more from Michigan

She just said, "are my livers going to die?"

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(517): She just said, "are my livers going to die?" http://tfl.nu/litp

Replies (12) Good night (3273) Bad night (1113)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?

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(403): I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain? http://tfl.nu/msrw

Replies (3) Good night (1838) Bad night (525)
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(757): View more from Virginia

you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.

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(757): you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof. http://tfl.nu/pdha

Replies (11) Good night (2614) Bad night (668)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.

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(410): Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men. http://tfl.nu/tvw2

Replies (11) Good night (1004) Bad night (505)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die

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(717): Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die http://tfl.nu/2ynw

Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (1280)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover

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(608): In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover http://tfl.nu/mvwr

Replies (1) Good night (793) Bad night (359)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.

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(256): Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants. http://tfl.nu/myfs

Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (457)
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(325): View more from Texas

She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.

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(325): She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her. http://tfl.nu/stpn

Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (188)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.

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(515): I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore. http://tfl.nu/112w

Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (310)
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(661): View more from California

Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.

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(661): Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time. http://tfl.nu/7gap

Replies (2) Good night (354) Bad night (651)

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