you suck at this game today
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house