i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
