No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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