So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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