Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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