If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
