addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
