I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
