Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
