If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
