i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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