P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize