I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
