But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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