Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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