I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
