nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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