You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
