Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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